Confession Of A #30Yo Mami

My interest has always been singing and dancing. I began dancing since I was in elementary school, doing ballet. At a very young age I already perform at theater Baranang Siang. I guess from that moment, my heart tied up with stage.
I always love being in a stage, stared by many eyes. Either I dance, singing or MC-ing. I don’t like make up, but when it come to dance, I’ll put on the best. It was on junior high school when I change my interest from a balle dancer into a traditional dancing. I like the music, gamelan, karawitan, and exploring various kind of traditional dances that Indonesia owns. My fave that time is Tari Merak which I perfom in Landmark along with other participants and was very memorable to me cause it shows in TV.

My interest in traditional dancing has lead me to be the chief of LISES SMA 5 Bandung. LISES stand for Lingkup Seni Sunda. I do both karawitan, – since I fall for the music too – and dancing.

Then I stop.

I choose to hijrah when I’m about to graduate from Highschool. I suddenly have a will to wear hijab. Its the calling inside me and I think that it a must, after reading this ayat..

O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful 

[QS. Al-Ahzab : 59]

How about singing? I become more serious about singing by joining a vocal group, having an amateur band with my friends, singing The Cranberries and taking vocal course. Also! I participated in many singing competition during my highschool time.
This was one of my weird day when a university student came to me and asked whats my goal in life. I confidently answered, “I want to be a singer. Isn’t it obvious?”.

“No, that’s not your dream. You’ll be a great mother one day”, his reply made me jaw drop!

Not only I’m not really into kids but also, singing is my A-list that time, plus, “Who wants to be in marriage?”, that was my thought that time, cause as a teenager I still searching for freedom.

Besides singing and dancing, I also involved in Story Telling competition and once in a blue moon, modelling – not bad though, I made it to finalist.

One day on my 3rd year, I started to learn about Islam more through mentoring. But all these time I already stunned by the soft-hearted akhwat-akhwat DKM Al-Furqon SMA 3 Bandung whose mosque is at the top of our Highschool. 

I just cameback from Bali, when I decided to cover up my hair, my chest, my body with veil and long dress. I cried the moment I entered the class.. It took 17 years for me to know about this ayat, I feel so late to do this, I’m afraid I can’t be who I was, but a friend who care to me because of this deen convince me that I do the right thing.

Its never late to change..

So I started a new life, I didn’t dance anymore. I only sing in front of females in public and sometime with male friends and friends who knows I like singing and fine with it..

TRUE FRIENDS CARE ABOUT OUR AKHIRAH

Nowdays I’ve been thinking and also grateful to Allah by sending me friends who are not only kind, friendly, care and stay with me with my ‘uniqueness’, but also they always remind me to be a good person. They forgive me for the silly things I did, be with me at my lowest point and still accept me when I need their presents..

Alhamdulillah.

PUBLIC SPEAKING JOURNEY

I’ve been speaking – not writing – in english since I was at junior highschool. I took a course, I join English Competition, mostly story telling and began speaking english to my friends at highschool. At college, I assume that most people understand english, so I speak english to anyone.

My dear friend who are former announcer at Antassalam Radio Bandung contacted me, saying that she will resign from the radio and pick me to replace her seat, announcing at English News Programme on the Islamic-Dangdut-based radio located in Antapani. Wow! Its not far from my home, I could reach that place by ojek. And so I signed thw contract and dig in my broadcasting talent for a year. I really like being a radio announcer, moreover when your listener give a call and we could give them a lil chit chat. Some of them will share their worries, sadness, listening to their stories enrich me, grow my symphaty.

But then I have to focus on my Final Project, and a year is enough for me, I’m willing to expand my public speaking carrier in MC-ing.

Hosted for International Conference on Biomathematics 2007 has open up my way to be a Master of Ceremony in many other international event, include the International Retro Night by the International Students of ITB. In search for a better income, I learn to MC-ing in bahasa Indonesia and taking many other events, dare myself to try many ways of MC-ing. From a formal conference, to a talkshow and finally wedding MC 🙂

At college I met specific people who are expert in photography and cinematography. Soon this become my new toys. I installed adobe premier, try making short movies, advertisement, shooting, cameraming, directing, editing that takes patience and made me loss my weight because I edited one film in 4 days. Lack of sleep and too much excited. I like directing the most, taking scenes and editing. I like to cut whats not appropriate to be shown and match the songs when the scenes fade. 

My lecture was questioning whether I am a math student or not when she checked that no mathematical software in my laptop. I realize that I have to put this aside and put more attention on my study if I want to graduate. That was my 5th year.

And again, one of my senior told me, “Sundari, you have many talents and interest. Pick one, you cannot pursue all”.

I didn’t notice. I still believe that I could do many things in a row, include blogging.

Once I’m having S.Si beside my name, and the reality asking me to earn more certain amount of money for living. I drop all of my interest. I stopped arranging radio programme at Salman Digital Radio 2.0 and no one has ever live it up again after I left, they tried but can’t hold long enough, maybe this is the reason why Salman choose to launch a TV. They made a breakthrough, film Iqro is on Cinema this year!

I worked for Kemenristek Dikti as a temporary employee. I’m lucky enough cause I still get an MC job during my time here. And for almost 2 years, I also tried to running a business with my friends. It doesnt give us a significant result. So after changing many business, I stopped (again).

At 2012, I tried to apply for Master Degree in UK. I send my IELTS certificate along with resume, letter of motivation, my transcript, and recommendation letter from my dearest lecture to some universities. I applied for Public Relation and Political Economy. I was more interested in Public Relation.

Alhamdulillah it finally meet my requirements, I get and offer letter and Letter of Acceptance from Liverpool Hope University. The next step is looking for the scholarship. It takes time.. I postponed.. 

Realizing that my age has turn to 25, I change my priority. I have to get married first then I could re-think about going abroad, to my dream land – Europe – and taking a higher education. 

I met the man who loves me to the bone at the end of the year 2012. We were friends but not so close cause we study in different university and he is 2 years younger than me. I know him from the Salman Radio where he contributed as one of the announcer the time I left it.

“Would u marry me?”, he asked on the seminar we attended. I was surprise because I didn’t really know this guy, we met couple times but just that.

His answer to my question of why he proposed me sounds light and funny, he said, ” You pretty and you were math student”.

What kind of phylosophy is that.. Haha..

He explain to me that he always would want to have a wife that graduated from Mathematics, hopping that his children will be as smart as the mother. Oh I tricked you..

Our process is very simple and having less drama. After the serious talk we made, we do istikharah and we visit both of our family to disscus about the marriage plan.

I remember this words that my dad whisper to me, “Two people who are not meant to be together, however close they are, Allah will separate them. And two people who are meant to be together, however far they are, however high the mountain is, no matter how windy the road is, Allah will let them find a way to be united”. 

Alhamdulillah Allah SWT made everything so easy, both family agreed and we get marry 5 months later. This made me believe that he is the one 🙂

Now here I am, 5 years after the sacred vow, typing while my 3 years old – talkactive – energic – daughter – fall asleep. Alhamdulillah she grow up well :’)

I remember this line from Glee – a drama musical movie whose Sarah Jessica Parker featured in the season 5. She said, “This age is the best time to re-invet ourselves”.

The word RE-INVET OURSELVES catched my heart. Its like a BAM BAM BAM!

I collected the memories that I have, experience that I’ve been through, my milestone, talents, interest, dreams, conversation that I make with people who saying things that turn out to be true.

I am a mother now. Do I want to be a great mom? YES I WOULD. 

“Once a woman become a mother, she stopped being a picture and start being a frame”.

Please gimme guidance to be a better Mom everyday ya Allah..

And where do all my passion fly? Out of nowhere.. Nowdays, I did’nt dance but I could teach my Aisya one or two moves. My playlist has changed from Pop/Pop Alternative into children songs that I happily sing with my baby. The last time I hold mic to host an event is when I was on 5 months pregnancy. And the macro photography which I really fond of was just history, I didn’t hunt photos with digital camera or borrowing my friend DSLR like I used to again. And film? Oh does Viva Video counted? I play with it to make documentary videos of my sweetest girl couple times..

I devoted myself to take care of my child by myself. It comes from within. 

But then.. Then I see some people who growing up..

At times, it is very painful to see how people you’ve known before growing from zero to hero, while I seem sink from Hero to Zero. Sometime I miss that ‘stage’, the fans, be a sanguin girl who taaaaalks all the time and do whatever she wants. Watching marathon movies at night, ah! but my life now is more interesting than a movie 😀

Re-invent ourselves..

Lately I’ve been remembering about all great things I achieved before today. Could it happen again? Will I have my glory again? 

Lately I’ve been thinking, maybe its time to discover what I’m really into and focus on one passion right now..

What would that be? I’m still searching. This time, I hope I could have a longer lasting succeed.

Nothing GREAT comes EASY. It take a little patience and lots of faith. But Allah always has perfect timing.

Dear me, do not compare your beggining to someone else middle. 

“Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything you are -and aren’t- that you will truly succeed” – (anonymous)

Jarak yang kita tempuh mungkin berbeda, waktu yang kita butuhkan mungkin lebih lama, keep moving forward, make a progress! Jangan menyerah, meski satu detik lagi t’lah usai. 

Note : Tulisan ini saya ikut sertakan dalam Giveaway Ruang Baca dan Tulis dengan tema Perempuan yang Menginspirasi dalam rangka memperingati International Woman’s Day. Semoga refleksi diri saya ini bisa menginspirasi para perempuan untuk bisa fokus pada salah satu impiannya dan gigih meraihnya. Juga bagi para Ibu agar bisa menemukan ‘mutiara’ dan mendukung anaknya dalam mengasah bakat/minatnya sedari kecil. Terakhir bagi para wanita se-usia saya yang mungkin mengalami ke-galau-an, post power syndrome, dan kebingungan lainnya, you are not alone Mom, bersama-sama mari kita bangun kepercayaan diri, belajar lagi, mencoba menggali passion baru. Remember, its never too late to set up a new goal in our life. Let’s re-invent ourselves 🙂

Much much love.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. srisuhartini says:

    so wonderfull the way that you’ve … i’m very proud of you … it’s nice to know you mommy aisya

    1. Ya Allah Bunda Sri, I’m just a learner you are wonderful too selalu semangat ya Bun dalam berkarya. Sukses akupuntur-nya 😉

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